A Jigger Full of Jagger

I came across this, my first online ‘about’ page, from 2004. It is fun to read it again. Over a decade later, it still rings true:

-A Jigger Full of Jagger-

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Captivated by mythology, I tangle with reality
Quite content, a stranger here, not to be alone

Who am I?
I’ll tell you who I’m not
I’m not Dietrich Bonhoeffer,
nor a 40 ounce beef eater
I’m not an über menschen,
not a nice guy even
I’m not the King of Tyre,
or the King of kings
Not quite Aragorn to wage
the war of rings.

I’ve wanted lots of many things
To lead, to love, to judge,
to sing, to laugh, to live to grow,
so many things, I know.

I am an academic,
you’ll find a pencil in my ear
I am aggressive, passively,
I fight that year by year
I have a knack for calculating,
despite the call to faith
Nature is my sanctuary,
that wild and quiet place.

I’m somewhat optimistic
my intentions touch the sky
But when it comes to actuating
At least I say I try
Give me music, Mendelssohn,
it is healing to my soul
I even love the radio
but don’t put me in control.

I struggle with humanity,
with you, with them, with me
And this reconnection, this Christianity
We seem sometimes so messy,
we seem sometimes so good
<Who is this God of yes and no>
and what that cross of wood?

Beneath the clay clad structure,
beneath the Pharisee
Beneath the church’s whitewashed walls
is where I long to be.
Cause there I meet a warrior
There I find a man
There I find identity
there I find a plan.

So who am I?
The question, then, bids me an address
I’d like to be defined as me,
no more and yet no less
Not blown about by envy’s lies,
but simply diving in
With you and me and Calvary
and God enjoying this man.

-a cup of misshapen verse, of me, for you-

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